


Cake or Death? Sorry: Cake or Bentley?

by GayDemonicDisaster (scrapheapchallenge)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anal Sex, Aziraphale Has a Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale is covered in cake, Aziraphale/Crowley First Kiss (Good Omens), Book Omens, Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Canon - Book, Car Sex, Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley's Bentley (Good Omens), Gay Sex, M/M, Magician Aziraphale (Good Omens), Making Out in the Bentley (Good Omens), Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Sex in the Bentley (Good Omens), Top Crowley (Good Omens), book!omens, no cake in the Bentley, white suit crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:13:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23395318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrapheapchallenge/pseuds/GayDemonicDisaster
Summary: Random smutty oneshot, porn without plot, inspired by this tweet by Stan_gaiman:“you know, I’ve yet to read a fic of Aziraphale shagging White Suit Crowley in the back of the Bentley after Warlock’s party with them all covered in cake and— yeah that’s enough now”My response? “Damn it. White suit Crowley is my favourite, I’m on it like cake on an angel…”Basing this on book narrative because it sets the scene better - they stand outside the car while the conversation with Dagon takes place. The entire first section is entirely as per book dialogue (eg they don’t say the line “wrong boy.”)BUT also: like any true petrolhead, in the book, Crowley absolutely does not allow food in the Bentley, so other shenanigans ensued. NSFW, obviously. (*mimics* "oBvIoUsLy")Anyway, it's a mashup of Book!Omens and TV!Omens. The TV Omens boys with a bit of Book omens canon because no cake in Bentley.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 52
Kudos: 272
Collections: Top Crowley Library





	Cake or Death? Sorry: Cake or Bentley?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CousinSerena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CousinSerena/gifts).



“It’s late”

“I can see that,” said Crowley. “Comes of sticking it up your sleeve.” He reached out and pulled the limp bird from Aziraphale’s coat, and breathed life back into it. The dove cooed appreciatively and flew off, a trifle warily.*

“Not the bird,” said the angel. “The dog. It’s late…”

Crowley shook his head, thoughtfully. “We’ll see.”

He opened the car door, flipped on the radio...

One short conversation with Dagon, lord of the files later, an angel and a demon stood outside the car in horrified silence. 

“No dog,” said Crowley.

“No dog, said Aziraphale.

The demon sighed. “Get in the car,” he said. “We’ve got to talk about this. Oh, and Aziraphale…?”

“Yes?”

“Clean off that blasted cream cake before you get in.”

Aziraphale looked up at him, dripping cream from his face and fingertips. “Oh, er…” He tried to snap but the slippery cream on his fingers prevented him from managing it. He experimentally licked a bit of cream from a finger. Crowley stared at him. Aziraphale looked up at him with pleading eyes. 

While technically, Crowley _could_ have snapped the mess away for him, there was something about seeing the angel licking the dripping cream from his finger that made something hot and urgent well up inside Crowley’s middle, and with a shiver, he took a step forward, entranced, staring hard at the angel. Aziraphale froze, uncertain what the look in the demon’s eyes might convey. 

Crowley paused before the angel, whose hand was still held up before him, and gently encircled his wrist with his own hand, pulling it toward him slowly, then leaned forward, and took one creamy finger into his own mouth, twining his serpentine tongue around it’s length and licking unhurriedly up to the tip. He pulled off and made eye contact with Aziraphale, then selected another finger and repeated the exercise. 

Aziraphale shuddered, eyes wide and mouth open. A gentle moan escaped his lips. Crowley began on the next finger, and the angel’s eyes rolled back in his head, suddenly breathless. He looked down again as Crowley finished with his thumb, drawing it out decadently slowly, before releasing it with a little pop. Aziraphale barely dared draw breath. 

“You seem to have some on your face as well, Angel…” Crowley murmured. Aziraphale nodded weakly. 

“I do believe I have…” He made no effort to do anything about it, save for inclining his head a fraction of an inch in silent invitation. Crowley stepped into his personal space, laying one hand on his shoulder and the other cradling the other side of Aziraphale’s face tenderly, then flicked out his long tongue and slowly licked up his cheek to his temple, savouring the creamy, cakey mess with a satisfied groan of pleasure. Aziraphale’s breath hitched in his throat with a little gasp. 

“You really are quite delicious, Angel. Like a taste?” Crowely murmured in his ear. Aziraphale nodded, almost imperceptibly. Crowley’s hand on his face encouraged him to turn his head ever so slightly, and then the demon’s lips were on his, still creamy and sweet, then his tongue was delving into Aziraphale’s mouth. The touch was slow, tender and perfect, love flooding through the contact, lighting the angel’s aura up brightly. 

Aziraphale’s nose accidentally nudged Crowley’s shades, and the demon broke off the kiss briefly to snatch them off his face with irritation, flinging them through the open door of the Bentley, then his lips were back on the angel’s again, hard and urgent, his hand on Aziraphale’s shoulder pulling him tighter, then sliding down to the small of his back to crush their bodies together, needy and possessive. 

Crowley shoved the angel back against the side of the Bentley, one hand curling into a fist to grab at his soft blonde curls, when he felt Aizraphale’s hands slide around his own body, then one of the angel’s came up to grab at his own brazen red locks, and his hips ground back against Crowley’s burgeoning erection in his tight high waisted black waiter’s trousers. 

Crowley released his hold on Aziraphale’s lips with a nip at his lower lip, then licked up his neck at another dribble of cream, before biting down on his throat gently, then reclaiming his angel’s mouth again with his own, growling in his urgency. He slid one hand down between them to feel the answering hardness in Aziraphale’s trousers and grinned into the kiss. “Any more cream for me to lick from you, Angel?” he whispered suggestively. Aziraphale swallowed then nodded. 

“Please.”

Crowley snapped to banish the remainder of the mess from the angel’s magician’s outfit, then reached through the open car door to tip the front seat forward, inclining his head toward the rear seat. “Get _in_ , Angel,” he instructed. Aziraphale hurried to comply, shrugging his jacket off as he went. Crowlely looked around the empty parking area at the rear of the Ambassador’s residence, snapped again to ensure no one would bother coming nearby for a while, although everyone was rather occupied wrangling a horde of unruly preteens in any case, then unclipped his white jacket and followed, kneeling in the footwell as the angel sprawled on the seat.

“Now… where was I?” he muttered, sliding a strong hand up Aziraphale’s thick thigh, licking his lips and feeling his cock ache in his trousers at the contact. His fingers found the angel’s fly and deftly undid it, before grabbing the trousers at the hips and yanking them down and off unceremoniously along with his underwear. Aziraphale’s beautiful thick cock sprang out, already engorged and begging for attention. Crowley took in the sight appreciatively, biting his lower lip. “You are _so_ beautiful, Angel,” he breathed in adoration. Aziraphale smiled nervously. Crowley caught the hesitation. 

He reached up a gentling hand to the angel’s face. “I mean it, Aziraphale, you are the most beautiful being on this planet, and if this world is going to end, I’m not going to go without a fight, and also not without showing you how much I love you first as well.” He bent forwards and pressed a soft loving kiss to Aziraphale’s lips, then his hand was between them again, stroking up and down his thick shaft with gentle skill, thumb sliding over the tip and making the angel shudder in delight. 

Crowley let go briefly to yank his own trousers down, then he yanked his black tie loose as Aziraphale fumbled with the buttons on his crisp white shirt, shoved it open and ran his hands over Crowley’s lean torso, fingers skimming over the furrows of his ribs then down to the jut of his hip bones framing his concave abdomen, continuing down to the trail of red curls leading to his prodigious length. He hesitated and then stroked it, marvelling at the velvet smooth hardness under his fingertips. 

Crowley teased at the buttons on Aziraphale’s shirt and shoved the fabric aside, he nestled his slim hips between the angel’s spread thighs and leaned forward to kiss and lick his way down that heavenly chest, then straightened up again, bringing his own cock to nestle against Aziraphale’s. The first shock of contact sending sparks down his spine and forcing a gasp from his lips, before his long fingers encircled the pair of them together and began stroking up and down firmly. Aziraphale whimpered, but Crowley swallowed the sound with a kiss. 

The delightful friction and slide of flesh on flesh with the encircling pressure of Crowley’s strong hand, both of their pricks squashed together tightly was more than either of them could stand for long. The demon’s pace quickened and their breathing became ragged, forehead to forehead, both looking down to take in the debauched sight, the beauty of each other’s bodies together, before Azirpahale was coming hard, thick spurts of white jetting over his stomach, with Crowley moments behind, coming with a shuddering gasp, his angel’s name on his lips. “Ahhhhziraphale…”

He slowly released their oversensitive cocks, and Aziraphale’s hand was on his wrist this time, firmly dragging it up to his own mouth, the angel’s pink tongue darted out to taste the smears of spend on his skin, before licking more boldly as Crowley watched in horny admiration at his beautifully wicked angel. Once his hand was deemed thoroughly licked clean, Aziraphale let it go, and found Crowley’s lips back on his again in a fierce kiss. 

He then broke off and kissed down the angel’s neck and chest again, before licking the streaks of come off his belly, then ever so gently flicking at Aziraphale’s messy cock. Refractory periods being entirely optional for ethereal and occult beings, the angel’s member was soon twitching back to attention again under Crowley’s skilled tongue, and he took it all in his warm wet mouth, stroking him to full attention in moments and sucking down hard. 

His talented tongue twirled around, circling the tip and then down the shaft and up again, before lifting off to lick at his tight bollocks, making the angel squirm, then his lips were back around his shaft again, and a suddenly lubed finger was pressing at his tight hole. Aziraphale shifted on the seat slightly to allow better access. Crowley pushed deeper and the angel gasped out at the sensation. Crowley’s tongue didn’t stay still, and his finger pressed up to set off sparks at that special point deep inside, brushing against the angel’s prostate and making him shout out in surprise. 

Crowley’s free hand encircled his own aching cock and stroked it gently as he worked, sucking his angel and keeping him on edge, while he added another finger and worked him open gently. The sounds spilling from the angel’s lips were truly an experience. If he thought the noises that Aziraphale made when he was eating were filthy, this was an entirely new level. The occasional blasphemy thrown in was a novel surprise as well. He tried not to grin around the cock in his mouth at how undone the angel was becoming under his ministrations. 

Crowley withdrew his hand for a moment then added a third finger and wriggled them deep inside. Aziraphale was writhing on the seat now, his hands scrabbling at the demon’s shoulders, grabbing at his half-off white shirt and gasping out his name in pained gasps. “Oh fuck, _Crowley_ , fuck… I need more of you my love, please, I need you in me, _please_ darling, CrOWley…!” His voice hitched on the last word. 

Crowley grinned and lifted off the angel’s twitching cock, then lined his own up with his soft arse, pressing forward gently and slowly. He breached the tight ring of muscle and pressed deeper inch by inch, ever so careful and reading his lover’s expression carefully for any sign that he was uncomfortable. Easing in, he leaned forward over Aziraphale, supporting his upper body on strong arms, shaking with restraint as the angel whimpered for more underneath him. 

Eventually he was fully seated deep inside and he held for a moment to allow Aziraphale to adjust to his size, very aware that it was no easy task to take all of him inside. He had no desire to hurt his angel at all, and wanted to take his time. Aziraphale’s powerful arms were circling around his back and grabbing at him, fingernails raking over his spine and shoulders in desperation for more. Crowley bit down on his lip as the angel’s fingers scraped over where his wings would spring from, resisting the urge his body had to manifest them in response to the ethereal touch, as he knew there was no room in the cramped confines of the car for them to be freed. Nonetheless the touch was electric, and he could feel his wings twitching on the ethereal plane. 

Urged by the angel’s plaintive cries, he began to move his hips slowly, gradually increasing the depth of his stroke and the speed, Aziraphale crying out in pleasure at each brush of his cockhead over his prostate, and his own cock twitching between them, untouched save for the occasional friction of their bodies against it, dripping already. 

“Please darling, give me more, I know you can Crowley, you _know_ you can’t hurt me, I’m a fucking Principality for fucks sake, I’m stronger than you to start with, stop acting like you’re going to discorporate me and FUCK me for _someone’s_ sake!” 

Crowley laughed and redoubled his efforts until he was slamming into the angel hard, harder than he’d ever dare with something so fragile as a human, and delighting in finally being able to let himself go properly with a creature who could not only take it, but _demanded_ it. Flesh slapped against flesh and he held the angel’s hips in a punishing death grip, breathing hard and leaning close to his neck, alternately licking, kissing, sucking, nipping and occasionally biting harder, leaving his shoulders and chest peppered with possessive marks as Aziraphale’s hands tangled in his hair and he screamed out with the incredible sensations. 

The angel was so hot and tight around him, the drag of skin on skin so intoxicating that Crowley was losing himself in the feeling, losing the ability to think anything other than overwhelming lust and love for this perfect being below him, accepting him so completely. He oscillated wildly between loving kisses and passionate desperate bites of urgent need, the angel gasping with each one. 

The perfection of Crowley’s long cock brushing against his prostate again and again was too much for Aziraphale and before he knew it he came with a shout, eyes wide and mouth wider, crying out as he spasmed around Crowley, sunk balls deep inside him, tipping the demon over the same cliff of euphoria in a crescendo of bliss, crashing down on the other side, jetting his come deep inside his angel in long pulsing waves as his cock twitched through the aftershocks. He fell down on Aziraphale’s warm comforting softness, feeling one hand stroking down his sweaty back languidly, while the other combed through his hair, and soft kisses pressed against his head. 

Cowley slowly came back to reality, but he endeavoured to stave it off as long as he could, nuzzling into his angel’s neck and kissing his salt sweet skin, murmuring sweet nothings and clinging to him desperately. He didn’t want the world to invade on this perfect moment, but reality was pressing back inexorably on them, and they had shit to do. 

Regretfully, he levered himself up on one elbow and gazed into Aziraphale’s face, drinking in his beauty. “I love you, Angel,” he whispered, “you know that, don’t you?” Aziraphale nodded, the softest smile on his features. 

“Of course, darling. I’ve always known, I _can_ feel it you know. I just hesitated to act upon it. But what with all of this…” he waved vaguely in the direction of the manor house, “... I believe that a certain amount of carpe diem was indeed in order.” His face grew serious. “Anyhow, whatever are we going to do now?”

Crowley sobered up as well. “Wrong boy,” he stated. Aziraphale nodded. 

“Wrong boy. So where is the right one?”

Crowley sighed and regretfully lifted himself up, easing gently out of the angel, then snapping the mess away and their clothes back to rights again. He leaned back in to kiss Aziraphale fondly. “I have no idea, but I guess we’d better get a move on and find out.” He wriggled out of the car again, leaned across to retrieve his shades from the driver’s seat and replaced them on his face then sauntered around to the driver’s side to take his seat, while Aziraphale pushed the passenger seat back into position and slid into it with a sigh. 

“Yes, I suppose we better had, really.” He slid his hand onto Crowley’s thigh as he started the Bentley and pulled off.

* * *

(The title stems from one of my favourite Eddie Izzard sketches: "Cake or Death?" Because I think Crowley would deliver death to anyone who got cake on his upholstery.)

**Author's Note:**

> *I took this bit from the book rather than the show because I like the fact that Crowley actually resurrects the dove rather than Aziraphale, which they couldn’t do in the show due to camera blocking.


End file.
